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Submitted on
June 30, 2012
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SoE - Breaking the Law by HeartGear SoE - Breaking the Law by HeartGear
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So this is probably my favorite page so far, if only for the story elements and pacing.

Thanks for stopping by ^^

Samus and the rest (c) Nintendo
SoE (c) Me
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I hate star ratings, and avoid their use whenever possible, as they tend to generalize and oversimplify an idea. I did the best I could to condense my feelings into a ten point rating system.

Overall I love the comic so far. You've done a great job of using the medium to tell as much story visually as verbally. This page has the most text so far, I think, and I feel the images are just there to show what the sentry is saying. The two devices work well together, but I feel that the exposition is a bit strong and upstages the visuals. My favorite page so far is the fifth because while it does have a fair amount of text, the images tell a story of their own. There was a dichotomous synergy there that I loved (sorry I didn't comment on it at the time, but I was computer-less). That said the artwork does a very good job of illustrating what is being said.

Panel three is probably my favorite example of that. The slanted panel breaks make the image flow beautifully (though It may look smoother without the arrow flanges) and the use of the question block in the third part was both cute and ominous. The images themselves were also very precise and... umm... I'm trying to remain professional here, but I don't know how to critique art. They was pretty pictures.

If I were demanding, I'd ask for a background for panels one and four, even just the gradient black/red you've been using thusfar. I can see why you didn't, as those images sort of exist outside the panels, but that just makes me wonder why they are outside. I think it's only jarring to me because of how much I like the visuals in panels two and three.

The only other thing I can see, which really isn't a big deal, is the arrows in panel two. When reading left/right, show the effect (respawn) before the cause (boiling in lava). You could either switch the direction of the arrows, or possibly use them to sort of outline what the sentry is saying by having the "effect" arrow go underneath and to the right of the speech bubble.

In my initial viewing I noticed none of these things, and it took me more than a few minutes to find anything I thought may need improving. I've been a watcher since the early days of MG, and I've enjoyed not only seeing your comics at their base level, but also how they've improved over time. Keep up the great work.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
10 out of 11 deviants thought this was fair.

Okay, I'm a bit new at writing out a formal critique here but as Mario says "Here we go!"

To start things off, I am thrilled that we finally have an explanation of what the Third Law is and the execution for panel two is adorable. I didn't think I'd ever find myself using the word adorable to describe someone falling in lava but there you have it. It's also nice to see the return of stone and metal work walls of the castle in the panel too. I can understand that it would be a pain to try and put it in for every single page but it's a nice detail to reinforce every once and a while. My only minor nitpick here is that I don't think you'd have a reflection in lava and it seems to undermine the danger of it.

Panel three serves the much needed purpose of hammering home Samus's predicament. Looking back through the previous pages I notice we never really got a clear look at how Samus's arms were tied and I'm sad to admit that some of the impact of 'she's tied up tighter!' back in "Check Point" was lost on me. I love the arrows as a means of showing the progression of her peril and the "?" box in the third frame was clever. Is it just there to represent a hypothetical worse scenario or is it foreshadowing more misfortune?

The narrative for the page is what gets that little Impact rating over on the right a full five stars. While it may be serving mostly as exposition, having more information about the world has had my imagination running wild trying to work out more details of this story. The Third Law is designed for player progression but can it work on all inhabitants of the world? If it had to be broken when dealing with Samus does that mean she's a player character too (where Peach would have been a NPC)? If that's the case are Bowser and the Koopa repeatedly referring to her as "Princess" to distract her from this fact? I've been having a lot of fun speculating so far and I'm excited to find out more.

While I like how the page turned out I do have a few minor issues. While I know the level of detail will vary throughout the project, it's a little jarring going from the rougher version of Samus's face in panel one to the more detailed one in panel four. With panel two and three being cutaways to enhance the Koopa's explanation, its implies that one and four are "the real world" and should probably be more consistent.

Second, I wonder if it would be possible to move the word bubbles around to not block the Koopa Troopa. It doesn't bother me as much in panel four but combining the word bubble with panel two cutting into panel one, it took me a minute to realize the Koopa was holding a spear instead of somehow having the large screw from before.

The last issue is that the moss seems to be a bit liberally applied in some places on the cages. This leads to us being able to see where some of the bars end on the outside of the cage and I get the feeling that wasn't intentional.

Most of the negatives however feel like nitpicking details and overall I enjoyed this page a lot. I'm looking forward to seeing how things progress.
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20 out of 24 deviants thought this was fair.

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Patasata Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014
So that's the Third Law. Interesting stuff! Third panel is a great visual of the "increasing difficulty" and I like the text added to it. In fact, I like all the text here. It's a reinforcing effect, and for something as important as this, I feel it's appropriate.
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
Normally I don't care much for the 'powerful women being depowered' motif, at all. But this one does it in a brilliant and logical way. 
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
I wonder what the other rules are. 
SailorDiana Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013
Each scene is getting better and better. Love this. :)
ValePeach Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Student General Artist
i wanna see peach with the power suit XD
ShinobiDigidestined Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013
I want to see any kind of update on this project at all. It's been what, over a year since we've seen an actual new page of this?
BluTiger07 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012
beltzebubbb Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
I really like the story.
shibaji Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I love this concept!
Alastair777 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012
Love the detail you put on her arm bindings.
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