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February 26, 2013
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I've just started to notice how often, how ingrained, self-blame is when a person is a victim of societal circumstance.   I was reading over some statistical data when I came to the summary of the article, a paragraph, that really struck me:

"It is part of social and legal convention in the United States to discriminate against, ridicule, and abuse
transgender and gender non-conforming people within foundational institutions such as the family, schools,
the workplace and health care settings, every day. Instead of recognizing that the moral failure lies in society's
unwillingness to embrace different gender identities and expressions, society blames transgender and gender
non-conforming people for bringing the discrimination and violence on themselves." - The National Transgender Discrimination Survey

It made me stop and think: do I harbor feelings of self blame?   Two strips of Material Girl came to mind:  when Noah has the stormy premonition and says "I was so sure... people like this brought misfortune on themselves" and Rex in Reversal "These are real consequences, ones that YOU instigated."

I thought about that letter my sister sent me, how it stung when she suggested I was intentionally looking for trouble.

Have I encapsulated that belief?   Do I secretly blame my circumstances on myself?

Which made me think of THIS quote:
"Am I going to believe all them bad things, them fools say about me today?" - Constantine, "The Help"

Every day we have to decide whether we're goint to believe all them bad things them fools say about us.
And I for one am done with believing it.   At least, that's what I've decided today, and I hope tomorrow, and every day until I die.
I wish for everyone else in similar circumstances to have the courage to do the same.

~Gear

Those Comics I Quoted:
Premonition heartgear.deviantart.com/art/M…
Reversal heartgear.deviantart.com/galle…

The Survey I Read
transequality.org/PDFs/Executi…
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:iconalfonsomarin:
alfonsomarin Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
It reminded me a quote of princess tutu.

"May those who accept their fate find happiness; those who defy it, glory."
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:iconmanjiluo:
ManjiLuo Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013
that is an amazing quote...and coming from an anime that i actually watched, I think you earned some respect for that :)
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:iconhalkeye20:
halkeye20 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
damn dude. just damn. i feel for you
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:iconfuryoumiko:
FuryouMiko Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
It's not just in the US, and it's not just gender.

Anyone who doesn't conform to the group gets bullied and ostracised and blamed for it because the whole point is to MAKE them conform to the group.

"You are different, therefore you will be mistreated until you STOP being different. Because it's for your own good, it's your fault - if you were only normal, we wouldn't have to do this to you."
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:iconbngjessie:
BnGJessie Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Simply being is never anyone's fault. We are who we are. All that matters is things we do.
If one goes out of their way to be antagonistic, insulting, hurtful, violent, or discriminating then the consequences that result from that behavior are indeed one's own fault. But if someone feels hurt or insulted just because one is different from others whether it be skin color, gender or gender identity, race, religion (or lack thereof), sexual orientation, age, ancestry, or home/place lived then that is more the fault of the person who can't seem to look past these details and treat someone poorly based on any of these differences.

This mistreatment and discrimination of people who are transgender is no different than the mistreatment and discrimination of homosexual people, African-Americans, women, and any other group of people who suffered such indignities throughout our species' history. It's based on ignorance, fear, and bigotry; a purely irrational state of mind. No one in this position should ever feel like a villain or a victim, especially if you and your friends and/or family know there is nothing wrong with you.

There's always going to be this kind of irrational behavior, but the more we stand up and don't let it keep us down, the more it's going to be less and less of a problem as more and more people wise up. We just need to keep exposing the reality as you have done here and those conducting the survey have done. :)
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:iconhipper-reed:
Hipper-Reed Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Good for you :thumbsup:
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:iconrelee:
Relee Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
I think it's easier to believe that you created your own circumstances, than to believe that you're ruled by forces beyond your power.
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:icon6-qubed:
6-Qubed Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
...I confess I was expecting a V for Vendetta reference at some point.

[link]

(yeah, I suck)
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:icondaddyslittlejanegirl:
Are you familiar with Julia Serano's book "Whipping Girl"? I highly recommend it, it addresses the lingering issues of transmisogyny in all its forms and proponents.
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:icongaidin1978:
Gaidin1978 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
I am reminded of a simple quote from a book series I love.

"Despite is not the whole of Life. There is also Love in the World"
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:iconzachgebs:
zachgebs Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Yes, I do.
I am not gay, transgender, or bisexual. Instead, I made a false face for myself. I was a sensitive dude, took things personally all the time. Highly intelligent. The slightest things could make me cry. Others began to treat me like I was a weirdo, and the rest of the mob followed. They began to demand that I be what they said I should be.
Alone, friendless, and not understanding why I was treated this way, I submitted.
I fashioned a social mask. Carefree. Foolish. Slightly psychotic smile. I gave them what they wanted, and they left me alone.
But now that the mask is on, it is near impossible to remove. THe worst thing? I made it and put it on of my own free will.
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:iconyukas-armstrong:
Yukas-Armstrong Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Short answer: No, you should not blame yourself.

Long answer: The ''weird'' person in any situation gets frowned upon by most people. It's ''normal'' because people don't know how to act differently. Humans always try to act intelligent and claim to be self aware. But if we truly are self aware, then why do most people act the same way all the time?

There are books out there with our limited personalities written down. Humans are more predictable then they realize. Nobody thinks for himself and just copies others in creative ways, even me.

To truly think for yourself is to question everything. Even question your question, I should even question what I am writing now. The words I use are not mine for example. They have been made up by someone else long ago yet I use them to express my own thoughts that have for 100% certainty been written down somewhere else by someone else in a maybe just slightly other way but with the same point. But realizing that is just scratching the surface on what real thinking would be like. I don't think humans are yet capable of thinking for themselves.

But to get to my point: Human thoughts have been streamlined (or always have been). Everything done on a large scale within the human society is considered normal, therefor also discriminating transgender people, as it is not considered ''normal'' it is in fact so normal that you knew you would get a harsh time the moment before you even decided to step forward as a transgendered person. This also goes for racism and other bad things out there.

We life in interesting times though, the Internet allows people to come forward with these kind of things on a larger scale before being kicked back in the ground sorta speak. Before the Internet the human race was even more streamlined then it was today. Also being virtually anonymous makes it harder for people to stop people like you and allot others to communicate with each other. Making otherwise unspeakable things become more normal then ever before. And you can already see allot of people respect other people IRL that they otherwise never would.
Anyways when people give you a hard time with anything ever again in the future, make sure to remember they just don't know any better.

So no you should not blame yourself, or should you? Cause you are human yourself as well, it is hard to not judge people yourself. Just keep an eye out on yourself and try to notice every time you judge someone. You will do it more often then you think.

Humans got this imaginary line of right or wrong, but we fail to realize we created this ourselves.
So what is the real law on being/doing something right or wrong? I have my own opinion it is as simple as not trying to hurt anything or anyone around you in any way.


Ps:
I can think in these weird ways because I got autism, it's a curse and a gift.
Ignorance is bliss.
Fun facts: studies show murderers probably can't help it that they have to satisfy their need to kill people. (So even judging them, which I did, was most likely wrong.) Same goes for pedophiles or even rapist in general for example. This obviously does NOT mean it's OK that these people do such things, but here I am judging again. :P

Also I am sorry for this big post. I hope you read it though, you asked a nice question.
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:iconshadow-in-the-abyss:
shadow-in-the-abyss Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I had a long description written but it got deleted. so here is a much shorter version *i need to work on short explanations anyway* You are who you are even if its behind a mask i lived behind one for around ten years and i know what its like for the self loathing... believe me i do maybe not for the same reasons but i know what its like. all i can do weather or not i agree with who or what you are is to offer support on being the best you without ya know plans of murder or anything drastic. Just don't hate yourself for it. if you do ask yourself what you hate why and whats the reason to back it up if you want to change it work towards the change if not then move on and don't look back that's in the past all you should do is now look towards the future and see how it will affect you will it be bottled up and swell creating a problem later in life or will it help you be yourself and happy.
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:iconbatman-cools:
Batman-Cools Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
I'd say it is and isn't. Its your fault to be that way, but not your fault as in for problems. Because you want to be proud or not ashamed of who YOU are, I don't see why people should be angry or place...whatever fucked up blame on you out of thin air. Hell, soon they'll say that gay or transgender people started the civil war soon just to cause trouble, doesn't mean you went looking for it or wanted it.
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:iconshadow-in-the-abyss:
shadow-in-the-abyss Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thats not a good way to look at things even if it feels that way, i dont know your story and im not asking and i dont mean to be rude. But looking at things and being told the same is only going to make you dislike yourself which will cause problems and potentially security issues with yourself and friends distrust etc. later on in life try to say ok i messed up what can i do to learn or improve from this situation.
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:icondigara:
Digara Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
I already hate myself and the only friends I have are thousands of miles away.
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:iconshadow-in-the-abyss:
shadow-in-the-abyss Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Im on the other side of the world from my wife and all my friends. I know what thats like. I in general loath myself and pretty much have an alaround hate of me and what i am as a person/personality. The only time i dont do that is when i am with my wife. You should try to find something or someone that somehow makes you not care about it anymore or makes you think of them more then you do of yourself.
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:icondigara:
Digara Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
It's hard to find someone like that though, especially when most of my friends have thier share of problems that just reminds me of how useless I am and can't do a thing to help them.

I've always wanted to feel that kind of closeness to someone, but I may be incapable of doing so.
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:iconshadow-in-the-abyss:
shadow-in-the-abyss Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I know it sucks but it takes time. You could also try finding someone with something close to what your feeling, or a therapist might help.
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:icondigara:
Digara Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
There's no one here who's not hostile, last time I went outside I was punched in the head so much I still feel random sharp pains whenever I open my mouth.

And attempting to see a therapist destroyed my ability to hope, they built it up when I asked for help, then they kicked me down by telling me to do it all myself.
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:iconshadow-in-the-abyss:
shadow-in-the-abyss Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Im sorry for your sour experiences.... at the very least im always willing to listen. I hope that someday you can find someone who will truly help you in person till then all i can do is offer to talk.
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:iconwhyita:
Whyita Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I try to not believe what people say about me and just accept myself and not blame myself for the way I am, and for the most part, I'm successful. Still, I think until it's finally accepted and tolerated, there'll always be a hint of doubt. I just hope I can get more courageous at some point. Realizing I'm trans is still kind of a new feeling (I've been in denial for so long), so with time, I'll get better, I'm sure.
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